just a mom figuring it out one day at a time

Feeling the Fear and Doing It Anyway

Have you ever done something that scares you and you wonder why you did it? Or if you were in your right mind? Or if you’re going to regret it?

I did recently and I’ve gotta tell you, I still wonder if I made the right choice.

In the fall of 2012 I was supposed to run the NYC Marathon. Before you get a false image of me, picture a St. Bernard running—not a greyhound.  Yeah… ok so you get the picture.

As you can imagine when I got into the NYC Marathon via the lottery, I was shocked but excited. This was something I had wanted to do since I began running in college—nearly 24 years ago.  Then I found out that I had torn (avulsed) 70% of my hamstring off the bone. Long story, but if you’re really interested, here is the post I wrote about it.

I dropped out of the race, had surgery and deferred until 2014. Day after day I got the emails in my inbox about how the deadline was approaching and if I wanted to claim my place, I needed to sign up by the 18th.  Each time I got one, I deleted it—until the last one hit my inbox.

It was time to make the decision.  I talked it over with my fellow running friends, my husband and medical professionals. I’ve been assured my leg is strong enough, but even then…

The truth is it scares me.  It scares me to dedicate so much time to training again only to potentially fail. I’m scared that through some crazy accident I might injure myself all over again.  It took me months of rehab and over a year to get my leg to where it is today.  I just didn’t know if the risk would be worth it.

My husband saw that I was wrestling with my decision and said, “Which would you rather live with, trying and failing or failing to try?”

So…I signed up.

I’m still scared, but I’m keeping this quote from Katie Couric in mind:

“Be fearless. Have the courage to take risks. Go where there are no guarantees. Get out of your comfort zone even if it means being uncomfortable. The road less traveled is sometimes fraught with barricades, bumps, and uncharted terrain. But it is on that road where your character is truly tested.  Have the courage to accept that you’re not perfect, nothing is and no one is — and that’s OK.” 

If you have any encouraging words, energy or positive thoughts… send them my way–I can use all the help I can get!

Until next time….

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