just a mom figuring it out one day at a time

Insomnia

Laying in my bed, I hear it. A long scrap followed by a thud. Then it comes again. The sounds are not terrifying, rather reassuring. Until my mind starts to wonder. Did we remember to put the trash and recycling out? I lay there a few minutes more; hoping, no praying that somehow the running loop of thoughts and ideas would be quieted. Nothing. My body aches to sleep, but my mind won’t let it. What do I need to get done this week? Schedules… what are all of our schedules? Do I have everything written down? Is CJ’s uniform ready? Where do I start? My eyelids get heavy. Am I getting closer? Like clockwork I hear it. A faint whistle that slowly gets stronger and stronger. The rumble of the train gets closer and I imagine it passing beneath my eyelids, each car flashing a different memory of today. I imagine that I might jump on and it carry me to that sleep that I crave. It fades into the distance and I am left with nothing but silence. I am not asleep, but hoping.. just hoping that I am closer. Eventually I cannot stand it anymore, that “being unproductive in my inability to just sleep.” I get up and go downstairs, I wander and check on things and then back again to where it all did not begin to try all over again.

One Response to “Insomnia”

  1. Thanks for the comment Sarah. It just stinks. Last night was good =
    though!

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