Mom Evolving

Mondays

Mondays by definition always seem tough.  That return to routine from a weekend of structured chaos. I expect that my kids will be tired.  I expect they might be a bit grumpy.  Yet....I do expect we will be able to work through the morning routines without too much issue.  After this morning I realize that my expectations are unrealistic.

KC was on a terror this morning.  It has become a true battle of the wills.  I picture us opponents on the gladiators- Mother vs. Daughter. Or perhaps an old western quick draw. It is about who is going to outlast whom.  The stare-down contest. The ultimate battle of wills.  Perhaps this should be a new reality show?

We have cut out all sweets, yes and even the Easter candy.  I have encouraged her, most days in vain, to try and take a nap. The days when she seems to have enough sleep are better, but there is still that underlying defiance. I really don't know what to do at this point, except research.  Once again I am at a loss and feel completely ill-equipped to being a parent.

I am working on a writing project and need input from parents. Any takers?

Challenges abound. No matter how hard I try, I feel like I am coming up short. There is never enough time to get all the work done and be there completely for my kids. It is, I suppose, a holy grail of another sort. I just wish I could figure it all out.

Out of the Fog

Today I woke up, for the first time in almost a week, where I felt like I was out of the fog.  The last week has been, well, exhausting.  I flew back into town on Monday after running a half marathon, spent Tuesday getting my affairs in order and then went into for round 627 (no not really but that is what it feels like) of oral surgery.  I spent most of the weekend swollen and bruised, until Sunday night.  As if working on and assembling information for taxes wasn't enough, around 10 Sunday night I heard the most awful retching sound from KC's bedroom. 

Running upstairs, two stairs at a time, face pounding in time with my footsteps, I was hit with the most awful smell. Putrid really. There was my daughter covered in vomit. No this wasn't some dainty episode, there was vomit all over her, the bed, the floor, the wall and well heck- even the door.  My first thought was, "REALLY?" Followed by, why do builders think that off-white carpeting is a good idea?  Stunned, my husband and I went into action. He took her towards the bathroom and I began the toxic cleanup efforts.  The rest of the night was spent with KC in the bathroom.  So here I am "recovering" with no sleep, holding my daughter. Just as I would drift off, I would hear the sound of her stomach and we would go through yet another round.  As one might imagine, yesterday on no sleep was brutal. 

By the end of the day, I was spent. I was brought nearly to tears by exhaustion and the fact that nothing I could do would make my head, face, jaw and mouth stop hurting.  I finally resorted to a meditation mix that I had and eventually fell asleep around 11. So today, today I feel better than I have in a week. It is amazing what sleep does for you. Although my chin looks like I was sucker punched, my face is slowing making its way back to normal too. On to another day.

Jeans in the Freezer

Less than 24 hours and a deal I had been working on since October would finally close.  It marked the end of a long process, that had been unnecessarily time consuming and at times very stressful. 

Pulling into our driveway, I looked up. The dingy white skies and the whistle of the wind around the car made me wish that somehow I could be transported inside to my warm home, rather than having to get out and unload small children and groceries.

As I pulled KC out of her seat, I noticed two matted greenish blobs on the seat of her car seat.  Staring at them, a flash of the back of her jeans appeared before me. Just the day prior I had placed her jeans aside, unable to make sense of the odd stain on her pants.  Herding the children inside, I set the groceries down and grabbed the jeans out of the laundry room. Evidence in hand, I approached KC.

"KC"

"Yes Mama?"

"Can you explain what this is?"

With a shrug and quickly downcast eyes, "I dunno."

"KC, did you have green gum in the car?"

Paradoxically sneaky and forthcoming, my four year old came clean. "Yeeessss. I took it and hid in my cup holder. So you wouldn't see, I hid it under my legs."

"After it was chewed?" Somehow the logic escaped me.

"Hmmm Hmmmm."

Brilliant. I had to search the deep recesses of my brain for what exactly to do with gum on clothing. Peanut butter was for hair, or scissors depending on the severity of the mess, but what the heck do you do with ground in gum on clothing?  My vague recollection was that like wax, you try and make it cold and hard. So as I casually put the groceries away, I also tossed KC's jeans in the freezer.

Part of the way through making dinner, assisting with homework and devising peace agreements between my two munchkins, I check on the jeans. Hoping for the best, I pulled them out.  Knife in hand I tested the waters, but no luck. The knife just pulled the gum but it was not distancing itself from my daughter's jeans. Crap.

After stopping to stir my sauce on the stove, I tossed the jeans back into the freezer.  The level of the issue had escalated and it called for ..... a search of that wonder source of information and misinformation... the world wide web.

Amazingly, there are many articles about how to get gum out of or off of all sorts of things: shoes, cars, clothing etc. etc.  With the click of my mouse I was about to become educated. Gum apparently can be removed from clothing with gasoline.  This however did not thrill me, because I could only imagine that even after washing her jeans that somehow the smell would permeate the cloth and I would be stuck with a 4 year old who smells like a mechanic.  Further down, I found references to alcohol and that gin works especially well.

Not having any gin around, I went for vodka, Absolute actually. Figuring the base of her car seat might be a better place to "test" this theory, I pulled it off the structure of the seat and laid it on the counter. Opening the bottle, I put some on a paper towel and dabbed the gum. Just as I was about to begin scraping with my knife, in walks my husband.

Not wanting to upset matters he calmly walked by, looked at me with knife in hand and open vodka bottle on the counter. Then he went over to the freezer to put in the ice-cream he brought home, and out fell the jeans.  This apparently was a little too much.

"Uh. This may be a strange question (about as strange as finding your wife with an open bottle of vodka and a knife in hand), but were you aware that there are jeans in the freezer?"

To this, I just started to laugh and put the knife down.  I realized at that moment just how crazy I must have looked.  After explaining my logic, and stirring the sauce a little more, our little experience turned into a science experiment as we tried to figure exactly why alcohol will break down the gum. We still don't really know, but it was interesting all the same.

Mommy Time Battle

Last week the Washington Post published an article, "The Test of Time: A busy working mother tries to figure out where all her time is going." It chronicles the author's time usage, as reflective of a working mom.  The author, Bridid Schulte, clearly documents the struggle that all moms, especially working moms, face as they try and work essentially two full-time jobs.  The story really resonated with me, as evidenced by the fact that I am writing this a full WEEK after I began reading the article. Did I also happen to mention that it is Sunday night at almost 11 p.m. after the children are asleep, laundry started, kitchen cleaned, swimming lessons complete?

I digress. What is most amazing about the story is her reference to John Robinson, a sociologist at the University of Maryland, who claims that women today have an additional 30 hours of leisure time, versus those in the 1960s. When I read this, a huge "WHAT?" started flashing like a large neon sign in front of my eyes. All this mind you, while working mothers also assumed an additional 3 hours of time caring for our children versus 1965, according to Robinson's research.

To say that I was completely blown away is an understatement.  Being a mother is a full time job, and one that does not give you paid vacation days, or hazard pay when you get puked on. I find even on the rare occasion when I am away from my children I am thinking about them, putting things in place for them, discussing their schedules or issues with my husband. It simply does not end.  There are sports, or dance classes, school events, social events and on and on. It has gotten to the point that we now use an Outlook calendar to sync up all of the various events in our family. It may sound crazy, but for us it works.

Tonight at the swim lesson, I discussed this article with a friend of mine who is also a working mom and mother to three children.  Her response, "Are you KIDDING me?" Having known her most of my life, we talked about our childhood; how we were able to play until dark without much supervision. However, in today's environment I don't see how I would ever allow my child to do that to the same level that I did.  It is simply a different world, and in some ways more sinister.  We wondered if we were able to let our children play more freely outdoors if that would creat more "leisure time." However, we agreed that really it would just be filled with more items as we attempt in vain to keep up with the day to day needs of our families.

Do I have leisure time? Or time just to be free to do what I please? I will admit there is some here and there, but often it feels like it is filled with thinking about all the other things that need to be done, or at the sacrifice of something else.  I guess that is just the lesson. To be present in the moment as much as possible and know that it is equally important to "make time" for a little leisure.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/11/AR2010011101999_5.html?sid=ST2010011304189

 

Question of the Day-Most Exciting Thing I Did Last Year

What is the most exciting thing that you did last year?

After waiting almost a year and several weather delays, we finally took our hot air balloon ride that was purchased at a charity silent auction by my Father and his wife.  I had always thought it looked like fun, but truly had no idea of just how spectacular it actually is.

As the basket lifted off the ground a girlish giddiness overwhelmed me.  I felt as if I was a child all over again discovering something incredibly new and wonderful.  With each blast we rose higher and higher until we were well above the trees. I struggled between trying to really be "in the moment" and trying to capture every scene with my camera so that I would be sure not to forget it.  Even as I write this I feel the joy soar within me and am just so grateful that I have had that experience in my lifetime, much less just this past year.

Resolve to Evolve

This afternoon I attended a fantastic yoga class at Ananda Shala-so appropriately titled "Resolve to Evolve." Part of the class was to evaluate our upcoming evolution of ourselves, broken down into five elemental levels, for the next year:

1) Physical- How do I wish to grow physically? This could be some type of race I want to run or some other physical boundary that I wish to break. I wish to grow by regaining my strength and endurance.

2) Energetically- Do I want to expand or retract my energetic focus this year? I wish to grow by expanding my creative energy and restricting negative energy from myself or others.

3)Mind- This is about removing mental patterns that don't serve us. I wish to grow by releasing myself from the belief that I can never come first or take time for myself.

4)Inner Self- Intuitive Mind- This starts to get a bit further out there, but I still feel there is value to it.  It is about opening yourself to being able to intuitively see, hear or feel things for what they really are. We all have that "little voice" and this is about how we want to refine that or get in better touch with it.  I wish to grow by increasing my inner hearing.

5)Opening yourself to Bliss-This is how you want to open yourself up to bliss or happiness. Maybe it is the commitment to do something new once a week to expand your boundaries. I wish to grow by increased meditation and seeking the positive elements in this world.

Being in class for 3 hours allowed me to focus on my goals and quiet the constant freeway of thoughts running through my mind.  There are so many ways to evolve and grow, at times I think it can be overwhelming.  However progress begins with just one step. Today I took my first step towards following my bliss.

The "Season"

The "Season," that "Christmas Season," that wonderful time of the year is finally, well over- including the epiphany for even you purest.

Finished with the madness, the frenzy to fit it all in. The staying up all hours of the night making wrapped present costumes for a bunch of second graders and a massive Christmas tree costume that could fit a 6+ foot man, complete with lights for a parade.

Finished with "Cookie Fest 2009" a three day, massive cookie adventure culminating with the grand delivery on Christmas Eve.

Finished with the school events, various social events and running from one event to another to try and "squeeze" it all in- all amidst trying to still work. Work? Yes that too.

Finished with the wonderful time to enjoy my family, admire the lights and the time when everyone seems just a little bit nicer.

Finished with my mini-vacation to a winter wonderland-being delightfully snowbound in a cabin with family, puzzles, games and a television that only got the weather channel- which is how we watched the ball drop to ring in the New Year.

Now it is time to look forward. Forward to a new year and a new decade. Although each day brings with it new opportunities, I am looking forward to what this whole year has to bring.

So what is my mantra for this year? This is my year of taking it up a notch. What does that really mean? I don't know yet. But I do know that I want to do everything better- especially balancing my life.  As a mother I tend to give everything, my entire being, to my kids or the work I do to help support them. Consequently, there is often little left for me and I become frustrated at "who" I used to be pre-kids and wonder how I can retain more of "My" identity and the things that fulfill me- other than raising my children.  I believe that there needs to be a balance, and am on the eternal quest to find that balance. This is my year of taking it up a notch, and I am determined to do it all better. Here's to a great new decade!

H1N1- The Day, The Shot, The Panic

Beginning last night we started prepping both CJ & KC for the fact that we were going to get a shot today to prevent a really big sickness that could have them end up in the hospital.  We tried to provide the rational that it was better to get a quick shot now, then end up really sick in the hospital with many shots and needles.

Did it work? No. CJ asked question after question- which is his way of working through his fears and issues.  He asks the same questions, or variations thereof, over and over again until somehow he feels comfortable.  KC on the other hand seemed indifferent, even going so far as to point out that the last time she had a shot she did not cry or anything.

The morning went off without much of a hitch, until it was time to get ready to go.  I had a sitter here in the morning so I could run out to a few appointments and when I came back, KC was dressed but in no way ready to "go." In fact the minute she saw me the tears and the mantra "I don't want to get a shot!" began.  It escalated to a full blown fit, much to the horror of my sitter. Bit by bit I was able to get her fleece and shoes on and just carried her out the door. 

By the time we had arrived at the doctor's office both children seemed pacified enough that we could walk in.  We took our appropriate place in line and then as soon as it was our turn to go into "the room" KC began to wail. Not a small whimper but a full on screaming fit, with each "I don't want to get a shot" statement getting louder and louder.  These even continued after she had been given the H1N1 shot.  Somehow she missed how I had to restrain both her arms and legs while holding her on my lap, and that the shot was actually over.  A point that I found mildly amusing. Then came CJ.

I turned to him and could see the panic rise in his eyes. He grabbed his crotch and vainly tried the "I have to go to the bathroom" stall tactic.  It didn't work, the nurse simply explained that there were other people waiting and he could go just as soon as she quickly gave him his shot.  With much trepidation he approached the table.  As she was getting ready to do it he screeched, "WAIT!" With that he clenched his little fist, released it, closed his eyes and counted "One, Two... " and we were done. He seemed shocked that it was all over and then suddenly very pleased with himself.

A huge weight was lifted as we walked to the front office to check-out and claim our stickers.  And then, then I looked over to CJ. His lips were white. All the color was gone from his face too and then, "Mom, I think I am going to be sick."  I dropped everything and ushered both children into the bathroom.  With one hand on him, I looked at the listing of the adverse side effects- paleness was one of them.  Panic now began to rise in me. What had I done? Inside I was praying that he wasn't going to have a horrific reaction.  Here my children had been so adverse and I kept assuring them that everything was going to be fine and now my son was pale as a ghost on the bathroom floor with his head over a toilet.

I calmly went out of the little bathroom and ran right into the doctor.  Luckily he seemed unfazed by the whole incident and said he thought that CJ's blood pressure may have dropped.  It could have been due to the shot combined with anxiety.  He just needed a few moments to recoup himself and lay down.

Going back into the little bathroom, I looked at my son. His color was already starting to come back into his lips, and he was asking about lunch.  These were all good signs.  So I led him out of the office and, just for my own peace of mind, laid him out on our third row seat.  He laid there happily reading his book, until finally he informed me that he really was feeling fine except that he was really hungry and could we please leave and get some food.  Relief set in as I pulled away, but I am still on guard. I am watching and waiting to make sure nothing else materializes.  Ironically their anxiety is fading while mine is lingering...