Mom Evolving

KC (5) to me... "I love you more than unicorns running on rainbows."

Protecting Your Child- One of the Greatest Parenting Challenges

As parents we strive to protect our children.  We monitor the food they eat and everything they may be exposed to, all in an attempt to keep them safe.  In some ways these basic things are easy, even when we have to let them at times have experiences so they can learn.  Where it becomes complicated is when we have to protect them from things that we ourselves are struggling with- all in the name of providing them a safe and stable existence. But still, is it enough? Am I doing a good enough job?

I ask these questions of myself because I just don't know. They have to have witnessed the numerous phone calls, veiled conversations and on some level picked up on my emotions.  As an adult it is hard enough to grapple with some of these issues, but then to try and do it while putting on all the pretences of normalcy is downright exhausting.  I just hope I am doing a good enough job.

 

I woke up early this morning to a small blanket of white. Creeping down my home office I anxiously checked my computer. We have a SNOW DAY! When these magical days happen all the normal day to day rules and obligations become suspended. My only hope is that it really comes down this afternoon as anticipated so that tomorrow will be filled with snowmen, snowballs and sledding. It amazes me that something so simple can invoke such joy and delight...and in the kids too!

Martin Luther King- A Five-Year-Old's Perspective

“Mommy, there was once a King who told all the people that we should be together. Before him, all the kids had to go to different schools and couldn’t be friends because they were different colors- Isn’t that silly Mommy? Anyway the King said, ‘No More! Everyone should be equal!’ And then all the boys and girls could be together. Wasn’t he a great King?”~ My daughter KC, age 5, on the importance of Martin Luther King Day.

Life Lessons

Although the sports and politics issue has been challenging, I think it has taught my little man some amazing life lessons. He has found something he really wants to work towards and has decided nothing is going to stop him- well except for bees.

Every day, well except for yesterday and that tiny incident with a bunch of yellowjackets, CJ comes home and grabs his gear to practice baseball.  It amazes me to watch him dump his backpack, grab his baseball bag and go out back to throw or hit the ball.  With determination on his face he pitches the ball into the bounceback and then will jump up or dive to catch it.  Hitting is another story, he has started to hit the ball into the bounceback... and to other areas of our house as well.. nearly missing lights on the deck.  Regardless, he is out there practicing and I think it is wonderful. 

Do I think he will be a elite athlete someday? I don't know and frankly don't care.  He has found something that he enjoys, lets him unwind after school and it is teaching him that if you really want something, sometimes you have to work at it.  Now I just need to hope he doesn't break my window, or my neighbors...

Politics and Kid Sports

The past week has brought with it a roller coaster of emotion. I never thought that I would have to explain politics in kids sports to my 8 year old. CJ is an average player. By rankings he is middle of the road. Not competitive by nature, he just plays baseball to have fun. After all at 8 they are still learning and we as parents just want him to enjoy the experience. Soon enough he will grow up and learn the life lessons associated with competitive sports, or so we thought. He had played with the same team for years. Even as late as of the end of June his team was going to play together in the fall. Then a week ago we get an email stating that they are splitting the team up. The coaches kids and a few accelerated players were moving to a kid pitch team and that CJ and two of the other older players were getting left behind with the younger kids. As a consequence we were left to explain the unfairness of it all to our crying eight year old and had to work with him to devise an alternative that a made him feel empowered and not like a cast off. Ultimately we found another league that had players of similar ages, but as a parent I am appalled by how things were handled. This is not supposed to be a competitive league, but sat hat is what it is turning into. As adults it is our job to set expectations and follow through on commitments. Unfortunately we could not shield him from this experience and just had to try and turn it into a life lesson. Hopefully it will turn out for the best for him.

Relationships are Complicated

Relationships are complicated. I really wish they weren't.  Recently CJ learned that sometimes friends can change on you, for seemingly no apparent reason.  Sure it is easy to say, "well maybe they weren't a true friend after all" but really that doesn't take away a child's sadness.

Luckily at his age children tend to rebound, but he is learning a very valuable, albeit unpleasant, lesson about life. As we talked about his recent experience, I suggested that he continue to be nice to this child but also to seek out different friendships. While I was counseling him I started to listen to what I was telling him.  Pausing, I realized that I should really heed my own advice. 

Recently a friend whom I had begun to trust and rely on started to change towards me. It has not been totally consistent, but there is definitely something different. As this has been unfolding all the self-doubt and insecurities that I had as a little girl have begun to rise up again. But wait, I am the "grown-up" I should be able to have "big girl" discussions with adults and "work through" issues, right? While all of these things are true, I am still figuring out how to best approach this.  Although I will address the issue, or perhaps non-issue, I also have realized that even a "big girl" needs to be reminded that sometimes people just have issues and you simply can't take it personally.

Yesterday was rough. I fail to understand why children constantly have to be touching each other and then wonder why they get into arguments.

I am also extraordinarily amazed at KC's endurance to scream for 30 minutes straight because she was not getting what she wanted. Thankfully we were home and not out anymore!

It is going to be a long summer...

Mother's Day Do-Over

The idea of Mother's Day brings to mind a day of well behaved kids and a much needed break for good ole Mom.  So like any mother, I too had visions of a glorious day. A day where I could breathe and be thankful. No, it wouldn't be filled with presents (although they are much appreciated), but rather with well behaved kids and most notably there would be no tension in the house. No fighting between siblings and no tensions between the kids and the parents.  I might have been better off envisioning sugar plums dancing.

On day 3 of a lingering cold, I could not breathe yesterday morning.  So that quickly knocked off the day of just "breathing." Then after playing a game to seek out my presents, between stopping to blow my nose, the fighting began.  There were arguments between the kids and then later out right defiance from my daughter.  My bubble was completely burst and reality came back.  Somehow my daughter did not get the memo that you are supposed to be reeeaaallllyyyy good on Mother's day.  She went to battle with my husband and, as determined as she is, after several hours I think she may have won.

After all that, I am wondering if there is a Mother's Day rain date coupon that can be exchanged for another day. If there isn't I think that there should be.  All Mother's who did not post about their glorious days on Facebook should be allowed to use it.  A Mother's Day do-over day. It doesn't have to be a big event, just a day when everyone gets along and behaves. Is that too much to ask for?

Done

Usually by about 7:45 I have had my fill of my children, much like turkey on Thanksgiving. It is that feeling of being completely full and you could not possibly tolerate even another tiny taste.

I wish I could explain it. Perhaps its because I ranked an introvert on the Myers-Briggs test years ago. I don't really know what it is, except that at that precise moment each day I am "done." Not finished, just "done."

Tonight I am fortunate to have a brief respite; they are out with my husband and I am working a bit. Although I am tired, I don't have that feeling... I wish I could understand it better. But, since I can't... I will just enjoy the moment while I have it.