Mom Evolving

Mommy Time Battle

Last week the Washington Post published an article, "The Test of Time: A busy working mother tries to figure out where all her time is going." It chronicles the author's time usage, as reflective of a working mom.  The author, Bridid Schulte, clearly documents the struggle that all moms, especially working moms, face as they try and work essentially two full-time jobs.  The story really resonated with me, as evidenced by the fact that I am writing this a full WEEK after I began reading the article. Did I also happen to mention that it is Sunday night at almost 11 p.m. after the children are asleep, laundry started, kitchen cleaned, swimming lessons complete?

I digress. What is most amazing about the story is her reference to John Robinson, a sociologist at the University of Maryland, who claims that women today have an additional 30 hours of leisure time, versus those in the 1960s. When I read this, a huge "WHAT?" started flashing like a large neon sign in front of my eyes. All this mind you, while working mothers also assumed an additional 3 hours of time caring for our children versus 1965, according to Robinson's research.

To say that I was completely blown away is an understatement.  Being a mother is a full time job, and one that does not give you paid vacation days, or hazard pay when you get puked on. I find even on the rare occasion when I am away from my children I am thinking about them, putting things in place for them, discussing their schedules or issues with my husband. It simply does not end.  There are sports, or dance classes, school events, social events and on and on. It has gotten to the point that we now use an Outlook calendar to sync up all of the various events in our family. It may sound crazy, but for us it works.

Tonight at the swim lesson, I discussed this article with a friend of mine who is also a working mom and mother to three children.  Her response, "Are you KIDDING me?" Having known her most of my life, we talked about our childhood; how we were able to play until dark without much supervision. However, in today's environment I don't see how I would ever allow my child to do that to the same level that I did.  It is simply a different world, and in some ways more sinister.  We wondered if we were able to let our children play more freely outdoors if that would creat more "leisure time." However, we agreed that really it would just be filled with more items as we attempt in vain to keep up with the day to day needs of our families.

Do I have leisure time? Or time just to be free to do what I please? I will admit there is some here and there, but often it feels like it is filled with thinking about all the other things that need to be done, or at the sacrifice of something else.  I guess that is just the lesson. To be present in the moment as much as possible and know that it is equally important to "make time" for a little leisure.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/11/AR2010011101999_5.html?sid=ST2010011304189

 

Question of the Day-Most Exciting Thing I Did Last Year

What is the most exciting thing that you did last year?

After waiting almost a year and several weather delays, we finally took our hot air balloon ride that was purchased at a charity silent auction by my Father and his wife.  I had always thought it looked like fun, but truly had no idea of just how spectacular it actually is.

As the basket lifted off the ground a girlish giddiness overwhelmed me.  I felt as if I was a child all over again discovering something incredibly new and wonderful.  With each blast we rose higher and higher until we were well above the trees. I struggled between trying to really be "in the moment" and trying to capture every scene with my camera so that I would be sure not to forget it.  Even as I write this I feel the joy soar within me and am just so grateful that I have had that experience in my lifetime, much less just this past year.

Resolve to Evolve

This afternoon I attended a fantastic yoga class at Ananda Shala-so appropriately titled "Resolve to Evolve." Part of the class was to evaluate our upcoming evolution of ourselves, broken down into five elemental levels, for the next year:

1) Physical- How do I wish to grow physically? This could be some type of race I want to run or some other physical boundary that I wish to break. I wish to grow by regaining my strength and endurance.

2) Energetically- Do I want to expand or retract my energetic focus this year? I wish to grow by expanding my creative energy and restricting negative energy from myself or others.

3)Mind- This is about removing mental patterns that don't serve us. I wish to grow by releasing myself from the belief that I can never come first or take time for myself.

4)Inner Self- Intuitive Mind- This starts to get a bit further out there, but I still feel there is value to it.  It is about opening yourself to being able to intuitively see, hear or feel things for what they really are. We all have that "little voice" and this is about how we want to refine that or get in better touch with it.  I wish to grow by increasing my inner hearing.

5)Opening yourself to Bliss-This is how you want to open yourself up to bliss or happiness. Maybe it is the commitment to do something new once a week to expand your boundaries. I wish to grow by increased meditation and seeking the positive elements in this world.

Being in class for 3 hours allowed me to focus on my goals and quiet the constant freeway of thoughts running through my mind.  There are so many ways to evolve and grow, at times I think it can be overwhelming.  However progress begins with just one step. Today I took my first step towards following my bliss.

The "Season"

The "Season," that "Christmas Season," that wonderful time of the year is finally, well over- including the epiphany for even you purest.

Finished with the madness, the frenzy to fit it all in. The staying up all hours of the night making wrapped present costumes for a bunch of second graders and a massive Christmas tree costume that could fit a 6+ foot man, complete with lights for a parade.

Finished with "Cookie Fest 2009" a three day, massive cookie adventure culminating with the grand delivery on Christmas Eve.

Finished with the school events, various social events and running from one event to another to try and "squeeze" it all in- all amidst trying to still work. Work? Yes that too.

Finished with the wonderful time to enjoy my family, admire the lights and the time when everyone seems just a little bit nicer.

Finished with my mini-vacation to a winter wonderland-being delightfully snowbound in a cabin with family, puzzles, games and a television that only got the weather channel- which is how we watched the ball drop to ring in the New Year.

Now it is time to look forward. Forward to a new year and a new decade. Although each day brings with it new opportunities, I am looking forward to what this whole year has to bring.

So what is my mantra for this year? This is my year of taking it up a notch. What does that really mean? I don't know yet. But I do know that I want to do everything better- especially balancing my life.  As a mother I tend to give everything, my entire being, to my kids or the work I do to help support them. Consequently, there is often little left for me and I become frustrated at "who" I used to be pre-kids and wonder how I can retain more of "My" identity and the things that fulfill me- other than raising my children.  I believe that there needs to be a balance, and am on the eternal quest to find that balance. This is my year of taking it up a notch, and I am determined to do it all better. Here's to a great new decade!

H1N1- The Day, The Shot, The Panic

Beginning last night we started prepping both CJ & KC for the fact that we were going to get a shot today to prevent a really big sickness that could have them end up in the hospital.  We tried to provide the rational that it was better to get a quick shot now, then end up really sick in the hospital with many shots and needles.

Did it work? No. CJ asked question after question- which is his way of working through his fears and issues.  He asks the same questions, or variations thereof, over and over again until somehow he feels comfortable.  KC on the other hand seemed indifferent, even going so far as to point out that the last time she had a shot she did not cry or anything.

The morning went off without much of a hitch, until it was time to get ready to go.  I had a sitter here in the morning so I could run out to a few appointments and when I came back, KC was dressed but in no way ready to "go." In fact the minute she saw me the tears and the mantra "I don't want to get a shot!" began.  It escalated to a full blown fit, much to the horror of my sitter. Bit by bit I was able to get her fleece and shoes on and just carried her out the door. 

By the time we had arrived at the doctor's office both children seemed pacified enough that we could walk in.  We took our appropriate place in line and then as soon as it was our turn to go into "the room" KC began to wail. Not a small whimper but a full on screaming fit, with each "I don't want to get a shot" statement getting louder and louder.  These even continued after she had been given the H1N1 shot.  Somehow she missed how I had to restrain both her arms and legs while holding her on my lap, and that the shot was actually over.  A point that I found mildly amusing. Then came CJ.

I turned to him and could see the panic rise in his eyes. He grabbed his crotch and vainly tried the "I have to go to the bathroom" stall tactic.  It didn't work, the nurse simply explained that there were other people waiting and he could go just as soon as she quickly gave him his shot.  With much trepidation he approached the table.  As she was getting ready to do it he screeched, "WAIT!" With that he clenched his little fist, released it, closed his eyes and counted "One, Two... " and we were done. He seemed shocked that it was all over and then suddenly very pleased with himself.

A huge weight was lifted as we walked to the front office to check-out and claim our stickers.  And then, then I looked over to CJ. His lips were white. All the color was gone from his face too and then, "Mom, I think I am going to be sick."  I dropped everything and ushered both children into the bathroom.  With one hand on him, I looked at the listing of the adverse side effects- paleness was one of them.  Panic now began to rise in me. What had I done? Inside I was praying that he wasn't going to have a horrific reaction.  Here my children had been so adverse and I kept assuring them that everything was going to be fine and now my son was pale as a ghost on the bathroom floor with his head over a toilet.

I calmly went out of the little bathroom and ran right into the doctor.  Luckily he seemed unfazed by the whole incident and said he thought that CJ's blood pressure may have dropped.  It could have been due to the shot combined with anxiety.  He just needed a few moments to recoup himself and lay down.

Going back into the little bathroom, I looked at my son. His color was already starting to come back into his lips, and he was asking about lunch.  These were all good signs.  So I led him out of the office and, just for my own peace of mind, laid him out on our third row seat.  He laid there happily reading his book, until finally he informed me that he really was feeling fine except that he was really hungry and could we please leave and get some food.  Relief set in as I pulled away, but I am still on guard. I am watching and waiting to make sure nothing else materializes.  Ironically their anxiety is fading while mine is lingering...